Spain - Menorca

Oh man they duped us. Kids club kids club kids club. It only means one thing. A place to plop your kid so they can have supervised fun with other children. Supervised fun. It’s an amazing thing. And since our kid had been by herself for so long we chose this resort for the kids club. We flew here for that.
Guess what? Their version of a kids club is a room with toys in it. Just a room. With toys. Oh but don’t worry, it’s open 24 hours they said. Like that fucking matters. Is it a big problem for parents to be without a toy room at 2am. I mean Jesus Christ. What a kick in the nuts. There are so many kids here, with so many parents who are like, how could they dupe people like this. Guess what Villa Le Blanc Gran Meliá, every family house in the world has a room where the kids can go and play with toys. It’s the supervision that makes it special. Without that, it’s just the waiting room at a doctors office. I mean what the fuck were you thinking?

We loved Ciutadella and its old windy streets, along with Moriarty bar there and its amazing back patio.
Jumping off cliffs and swimming in the inlets of Ciutadella with our friends was quite the day. So special.
Mahon itself was cool too with its markets and cool boutique shops.
We hit the white roofed town Binibeca something and it was great but if you don’t get there early you ain’t getting no parking.
We loved the beaches next to our hotel but with the lack of sand width I wonder if in august it’s a shit show. Mainly the water is clear blue and you can walk out a hundred feet in the shallow water which is rad.

Cafe Balear was a must do in Ciutadella, but it is very popular so not only should you make a reservation, but get there early for the first come first served outside patio tables. You will be sad to sit inside unless it's raining or something.

Second long stay here was in July 2024:

Tastnet was a fine restaurant.
Smoix doesn’t allow kids anymore so they sent us their sister restaurant Katu, which was actually great but totally inappropriate for kids. The food was pretty elevated and at least my kid just wanted pasta :)
The beach you have to walk to by the Villa Le Blanc (our first hotel below) is worth it for naked sunbathing, but nothing else is there. It’s the one where you pass the beach front restaurant (which we love by the way) and walk all the way down the path until it ends…lot’s of nakeds there.
The beach on the other side of Villa Le Blanc is much more family friendly and has amenities. It’s actually like a full beach experience on that side, but sometimes you just want barren and boobies.
The amusement park we went to was very old and great only for young kids, but our friends loved that classic shit.

Stayed in Los Delphines this time. It’s very close to la Ciutadella, but still, do not stay in this area. It’s like an international/British enclave of non Spanish restaurants. Our house was good and you could walk to a cool cliff jumping beach, but there wasn’t much of a view which they kind of duped us on.

In 2025 got another boat from Mestral in Citudella. Same boat actually, the Chesapeake. It goes about 2 miles an hour but it’s the biggest boat you can get on that side of the island they say.

Boat Menorca on the capital side has real deal yachts. We got a 30 footer for that trip but next time we’ll do a smoke show.

Pizza novano in the white town was surprisingly good, though that town also has a bit of the jumping of the shark.

Cap Roig was far and isolated but I felt the views and seafood were worth it.

Smoix was also good and beautiful but also pretty far out there if you’re staying in citudella. That tast net place sucks so stop going.

Even Moriarty changed their menu and is now mainly appealing just for drinks rather than crushing snacks!

We decided going to Es Bruc restaurant with the beautiful ocean views and nude beach to one side and touristy beach to the other is the place for us.

Notes to self:

-I don’t know, it’s a pretty amazing island I guess.

Villa Le Blanc Gran Melia - Jun 2023

Don’t even get me started on our “suite”. Parents book suites so they have a separate space and don’t have to go to bed at the same time as their kids. Yes we want a nice room too, but that’s why.
If you don’t have a kid you don’t give a shit and that issue has probably never occurred to you. But it does to parents. It’s huge for parents. This hotel is just mean.
It’s beautiful. And the staff is great and nice. And the room in and of itself is great with a big balcony and outdoor hot tub.

The breakfast was great but man it seemed hard to get someone’s attention even with the thousand workers they have there.

Again though, at the end of the day, this hotel is just mean.

Notes

-The hotels S’Amador was good but you don’t need a rez, at least not when we went. It really just feels like an extension of their breakfast and lunch restaurant Nivi, so it has no unique style to speak of. The original S’Amador is vastly more popular.

Punta Prima Prestige - Jun 2025

The Punta Prima Prestige is interesting. I really like it, but that could be because I had been staying in shitbirds prior to it.

We got the private pool suite and the room was modern with plenty of lounging area, along with a bigger pool than you’d expect.

The restaurant was good, and you are quite separated from the rest of the resort should you wish it. I actually felt it was too separated. I wanted a little more action, but then if you went to the all inclusive side it was way more lowbrow than expected. Lose lose maybe?

The prestige restaurant was a fun buffet for breakfast, and a sad lonely buffet for dinner. The other restaurants in the main resort were all inclusive so we didn’t bother. The kids areas were good and the kids club was pretty helpful to us. The slide area was particularly of use for the kid.

Location was fine BUT the little town of Punta Prima is a silly inauthentic tourist trap. The restaurants suck, so move on.

Skyline Hotel Citudella - Jun 2025

The Skyline Hotel Menorca is for young people and backpackers. The grounds are pretty great with a nice pool and an adults area and everything, but this is a no frills operation. Spartan concrete rooms with great views but little else. We got the 2 bedroom sea view penthouse, which is one of the better rooms they offer, and we were quite underwhelmed. It’s also farther from town than you want if you’re gonna hoof it each time. Get a house or stay at something grander next time.